Global Warming Flu

Here's another reason to be afraid of global warming: ancient bacteria will be revived when ice caps melt... leading to a new disease?

It's true; according to scientists at Pennsylvania University, "ancient bacteria and viruses will come back to life as ice melts due to global warming." But don't worry, because "the process has been going on for billions of years and the bugs are unlikely to cause human disease."

...

Now I don't know about you, you can tell me not to worry about an ancient disease coming back to life, but that still doesn't sound like a good thing to me.

Frodo in Iran

Iran is now showing it's people a Lord of the Rings Marathon to keep them inside, hopefully too distracted to protest in the street. Normally they only show one or two Hollywood movies a week, but the state television station has made an exception here to pacify the people. I always thought it was the American media that was champion at entertaining while manipulating, but now it seems we have some serious competition.

Still, you think Iran would have chosen a movie that doesn't revolve around a small paragon of good fighting against an evil empire?

Dangers of MMORPG

Ever played an online game? Consider yourself lucky to have escaped with your life, and more importantly, your anal virginity. Watch this kid get so angry when his parents close down his World of Warcraft account that he tries to fuck himself with a remote control.

French Fashion vs. the Burka

France is considering banning the Burka in public. French president Nicolas Sarkozy says, "[The burka] is not the idea that the French republic has of women's dignity... It will not be welcome on the territory of the French republic." It only makes sense that France, as a leader of global fashion, would be considering laws to make sure all its women dress in ways representative of the state ideals.

And so, while we're making law on how women should dress, I have a few other suggestions for France:

* ban Crocs
* ban Uggs
* ban socks with sandals
* ban panty lines
* ban orange fake tans
* ban muffin tops

Use GPS Wisely

I always thought this XKCD comic about irresponsible use of GPS was hilarious. People going everywhere with their cellphones, unaware what the technology is really capable of:


But today I read about someone who lost their job due to GPS. Sure, they were also falsifying work hours, but they didn't realize that their government-given cellphone was keeping tabs on where they were while they said they were working. I wonder if this guy was at a sex shop, too?

An Office for Unborn Children

Today, I am writing to thank Senators Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) and Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) for jumping to protect our children, even before they are born!! Together, they are working to pass policy that will guarantee healthcare to unborn children, and create an Office of Unborn Children’s Health, to stand up for the rights of unborn children everywhere. As Senator Hatch says, " America itself is built on the foundation of unalienable rights which we receive from God. Government exists to secure those rights." Yes, aren't we lucky in America, to have a government there to promote God's will!

You'd think that giving healthcare to the mother would be just as important, that we could have an Office of Mother's Health too, and someone to stand up for what the mothers need in all of this. But wait...who does God love more, adult women, or unborn babies? Why, there's nothing more pure and free of sin than an unborn baby, while the mothers are just women who got pregnant, and so...I guess we can see why this policy is a good idea.

Killer Insects

Reading the news today, I hear that the Pentagon is creating cyborg insects to sniff out chemical weapons and WMDs. Insect populations are already fast-evolving, reproduce in incredible numbers and are very hard to exterminate. Seems like it's only a matter of time before this project dooms us all.